It\u2019s two AM, three \u2013 I don\u2019t know. I\u2019m in agony. I want to scream. I\u2019m crying, sobbing over a lonely life and now a lonely death. I cannot go on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
Out of the depths have I cried unto Thee, O Lord<\/i>… but You don\u2019t answer. Maybe You\u2019ve forsaken me; maybe You\u2019re not there. Why do You not speak?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There are my pills \u2013 enough, more than enough. I wash them down, as many as I can. They make me dizzy and weak. I lie down. I fade out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
No one will note my passing. I\u2019ll stop coming to work. Someone will shrug, remove my name from payroll, and move on as though I\u2019d never been.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I waken in my bed. My body folds, convulsing, forcing the air from my lungs. I can\u2019t breathe. I fade out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I waken in a silent, dark room. Before me is a gently illuminated crucifix. Is this death? I fade out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I waken to the soft sounds of machinery \u2013 a pump; a quiet beep keeps time with my twitching, feeble heart. I\u2019m tied to the bed so that convulsions don\u2019t throw me to the floor. I\u2019m in intensive care. I fade out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For a week I fade in and out, my survival in doubt. The doctors and machines fight to save my life, and damn them, they win. They save my worthless life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m trapped in a burning building, desperate to escape the flames. I want to jump, but cannot break free of the merciless fire. Have mercy upon me, O God, according to Thy lovingkindness<\/i>…<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But God is silent. He leaves me screaming amid the flames.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
It\u2019s two AM, three \u2013 I don\u2019t know. I\u2019m in agony. I want to scream. I\u2019m crying, sobbing over a lonely life and now a lonely death. I cannot go on.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-17","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-suicide"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dark-night.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dark-night.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dark-night.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dark-night.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dark-night.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=17"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/dark-night.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":168,"href":"https:\/\/dark-night.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17\/revisions\/168"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dark-night.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=17"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dark-night.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=17"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dark-night.org\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=17"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}