Depression

One major problem with using the word, “depression” in a mental health diagnosis is that feeling depressed is a common fact of life. When we have a setback, lose a job or partner or friend, see our team lose the game, many of us experience a brief time of low spirits. We may not care much about things, might avoid company, and in general feel … well, depressed.

When this happens, most people are able to rally if called to. A friend calls, you’ve got to go to work (or look for a job), you receive some good news from somewhere, and your spirits lift. Even if you’re glum for a while, most of the time you come out of it without much trouble. And this is what people think is meant by “depression” in the context of mental health. But it’s not.

In clinical depression, or depressive illness, the mood is depressed. Unlike ordinary everyday depression, though, there often isn’t any connection to life events. You may not have had any sort of bad news or disappointment. In fact, many people say things like, “Everything’s going great for you. How can you be depressed?” But that’s just the point. Depressive illness doesn’t need any bad news to strike; and good news often isn’t enough to help the person to rally.

You might say that depressive illness or clinical depression occurs when you become despondent without necessarily having any bad news, and when you can’t just “snap out of it” or “pull yourself together.” That’s what makes it an illness, rather than just a low mood.

Many people never experience clinical depression, which makes it difficult for them to understand what it’s like. They’ve always been able to cheer themselves up when they’ve been depressed, snap out of it, pull themselves together, and they assume everyone can do that. So they get annoyed when someone they know languishes for days, weeks, months over nothing. And it is exactly this – being unable to “snap out of it” – that makes clinical depression an illness rather than just a low mood.

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May Is Mental Illness Awareness Month

Mental illness is a far more common affliction than most people realize. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), about twenty percent of the US population experiences mental illness symptoms each year. That’s one in five people. About one in twenty people experience severe symptoms each year. NAMI states that about half the people who develop lifelong mental illness show symptoms by the time they are 14 years old.

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Toxic Positivity

I have often railed against those who have tried to encourage me by telling me to “think happy thoughts” or who tried to pump sunshine by telling me how wonderful life is.  It was as though they thought I wasn’t trying to heal, that I didn’t know about trying to pull out of a depressed mood.  I’ve heard this attitude called “toxic positivity.”

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The Canary in the Coal Mine

In the old days, canaries were used in coal mines to warn of poisonous gas.  If there were any gas, the birds would stop singing and drop from their perches; they’d be the warning that conditions were harmful.

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A Broken Spirit

It’s two AM, three – I don’t know. I’m in agony. I want to scream. I’m crying, sobbing over a lonely life and now a lonely death. I cannot go on.

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Think Happy Thoughts

During the years of suffering bipolar disorder, I have had endless people tell me to “think happy thoughts,” or to “snap out of it,” “cheer up, other people have it worse,” and on and on and on. It is as though they thought that I didn’t know about these wonderful suggestions.

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The Stigma of Mental Illness

Today, a British periodical published a story that serves to underscore the stigma of mental illness. A pizza was delivered to the staff at a psychiatric hospital. On the ticket, the address was characterized as the “loony bin.”

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Responsibility

Learning that I suffered from a mental illness changed how I regarded myself.  I had considered that my behavior – the unpleasant stuff – was mostly because, for some reason, I was just an asshole.  I didn’t like that idea; I didn’t want to be an asshole.  I didn’t want to hurt or offend anyone; but I often did.  And so I figured that’s just who I was – a rather unpleasant, often hostile jerk.

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That’s Me You’re Talking About

I don’t stand out in a crowd. On the bus I’m just another bored passenger trying to get somewhere. At the grocery store I get the usual food – bread and meat and potatoes – what we all buy. In nice weather I ride my bicycle; in the winter I slog through the snow like everyone else.

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Cutting

I’m doing it again – slowly, carefully cutting myself. I don’t know why I do it. I don’t like to. It hurts.

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